Ditching The Masks We Wear: A Rewarding Path to A Better Life

Ever feel like you were one kind of person at work and another person with your friends? In our daily lives, we often find ourselves donning various masks to meet the expectations of those around us. In psychology and sociology, personality masking is when someone hides their true personality or behavior to fit in with social expectations. This personality masking often stems from childhood abuse or harassment. People can mask their personalities consciously or subconsciously, and it can be a self-defense mechanism.

The Role of Masks in Social Interaction

The concept of wearing masks isn’t new. Throughout history, humans have adapted their behaviors and presentations to fit in with various groups and to achieve specific goals. In the workplace, for instance, we might adopt a more reserved and professional demeanor to align with corporate culture and expectations. This mask can help us secure promotions, earn respect, and navigate office politics. At home, our mask might reflect our role within the family—be it the responsible caregiver, the supportive partner, or the dutiful child.

These masks can be beneficial. They allow us to function smoothly in different contexts and can protect us from the vulnerabilities and judgments of others. These differ from personality masks, which are often a coping mechanism stemming from childhood trauma.

What kind of personality masks might we wear?

As reported on PsychCentral.com, there are eleven categories of personality masks we might don to protect ourselves from societal rejection, abusers, or bullies. These masks are often adopted in childhood due to traumatic experiences. When you become aware that you have adopted that mask, you have the power to let it go. Take a look at this list and see if you recognize any of the traits in your personality.

1. The martyr or victim mask – The martyr or victim mask does not accept blame to protect their self-esteem. Instead, if you or a loved one uses this mask, you may blame things in the outside world for your own problems and failures as a way to protect your self-esteem.
2. The bully mask – If you feel self-doubt or have been abused, you may turn to bullying as a way to keep people away. This may take the form of acting out physically, making fun of others, or coercing others to accept your opinion to overcompensate for their poor self-esteem.
3. The humor mask – People may use humor to prevent getting laughed at by others, or to hide feelings of sadness. After all, no one can laugh at you if you are already laughing at yourself. And others also won’t know how you really feel if you hide your pain with attempts at humor.
4. The calm mask – Some people wear a calm mask in nearly every situation. If this is you or a loved one, you or your loved one might bottle up their emotional responses and show only a calm, even composure. When this happens, the emotions have no place to go. A person wearing the calm mask may eventually explode or become emotionally dysregulated.
5. The overachieving mask – If you are wearing the overachieving mask, you may strive for perfection. Anyone using this mask might hope to gain acceptance and praise for doing things perfectly. In this case, self-esteem relies too heavily on being perfect, which means you might internalize any mistake. The need for perfection can also cause a constant state of anxiety.
6. The self-bashing mask – Do you or a loved one talk down about yourselves? Even if you do this in jest, or joke around about the self-put-downs, it is a defense mechanism meant to shield the person from being made fun of or hurt. Self-bashing can also be a defensive method against low self-esteem. It may also be used as a protective mechanism, as a way to put yourself down before someone else does.
7. The avoidant mask – The avoidant mask involves withdrawing into yourself for fear of rejection and judgment of your mistakes. You or a loved one may avoid saying much to others or being around others. Withdrawing can cause you or a loved one to be socially isolated.
8. The controlling mask – The controlling mask wearer strives for a different type of perfection. If you use this mask, you will try to control everything around you so you can achieve a sense of security. A person wearing this mask may plan every detail of an outing, demand their plans get used, and keep a very neat and tidy room, house, or workspace.
9. The people-pleasing mask – If you wear a people-pleasing mask, your self-esteem depends on acceptance from others. You may often go out of your way to make sure other people around you are happy. Making others happy gives you a sense of self-worth. You may live with anxiety related to making sure you’re making others around them happy.
10. The socializer mask – If you wear the socializer mask, you will use your ability to talk with anyone to mask insecurity. Though you may have many acquaintances, you may not have many meaningful friends, because you keep conversations from going too deep.
11. The conformist mask – If you wear the conformist mask, you seek to follow what everyone else around you is doing. You’re desperate for acceptance and will follow cues from others in social groups you want to belong to.

Personality masks can drive your behaviors, but you don’t have to fall into that pattern. Once you are aware of the mask you adopted to deal with your adverse childhood circumstances, you have the opportunity to look for that behavior pattern in your interactions with others and make a conscious choice to choose behaviors that align with your authentic self. Working with a therapist or trauma-informed coach can help you recognize behavior patterns and face the unconscious shadows stemming from childhood trauma.

The Danger of Losing Ourselves

When we become too accustomed to wearing these masks, we risk losing touch with our true authentic self. The lines between our authentic persona and the roles we play can blur, leading to an internal conflict and a sense of disconnection. Over time, the mask can take over, dictating our actions, thoughts, and feelings, leading to a life that feels inauthentic and unfulfilling.

This phenomenon can be particularly evident in situations where the masks we wear are vastly different from our true selves. For instance, someone who is naturally introverted might find it exhausting to constantly wear a mask of extroversion in a job that requires them to be outgoing and social. Similarly, someone who values creativity and spontaneity might struggle with the rigidity and structure imposed by their professional role.

The Path to Authenticity

The journey to reclaiming our true self requires bravery and a willingness to be vulnerable. It involves peeling away the layers of masks we have accumulated over the years and allowing our authentic persona to shine through. This process can be daunting, as it often means challenging societal norms, risking disapproval, and facing our own insecurities.

However, the rewards of living authentically are immense. When we let go of the masks, we can form deeper, more meaningful connections with others. People are drawn to authenticity because it is relatable and genuine. It allows for real empathy and understanding, creating a sense of community and belonging that is often absent when we are hiding behind masks.

Moreover, living authentically can lead to greater personal fulfillment. When we align our actions and choices with our true values and desires, we experience a sense of harmony and contentment. Our lives become a true reflection of who we are, rather than a performance dictated by external expectations or a pattern of behavior adopted as a coping mechanism.

Embracing Vulnerability

Embracing vulnerability is a crucial step in the journey toward authenticity. It means acknowledging and accepting our imperfections, fears, and insecurities. It means being open to the possibility of failure and rejection. However, it is through vulnerability that we can truly connect with others and experience the richness of human relationships.

By being vulnerable, we give others permission to do the same. We create an environment where authenticity is valued and celebrated, rather than hidden. This can lead to a cultural shift, where people feel empowered to be themselves, rather than conforming to societal pressures.

The masks we wear are often a helpful tool for navigating the complexities of life. However, when these masks start to overshadow our true selves, it is time to take a step back and reassess. By bravely letting go of masks and embracing our authentic selves, we can lead more fulfilling lives and foster deeper connections with those around us. While authenticity requires vulnerability, it is the best gift we can give ourselves . . . and the world.

Find Angela at AngelaLegh.com